Aug 5, 2015

It's not OK, Stupid Cupid.

Hey there!  
Happy August to you.  August is always slightly depressing to me, as it begins to signal the inevitable end of summer.  I am a total summer baby....I love the sun, water, cookouts, mojitos, etc.  The smell of something cooking on a Weber charcoal grill is still one of my favorite smells of all time. Although Fall signals the beginning of football season, so that softens the blow a little bit. (Go Big Blue) 
But, I digress.  In the spirit of total transparency, you may hate me after this post.  You may label me a hateful, judgey jerk.  But, as I told someone today, I do judge sometimes, but I save the harshest judging for myself.  Maybe you'll think I'm shallow.  Perhaps. Who knows.  I'd like to think I'm not shallow, but again, I am who I am, and I certainly have my fair share of faults and unattractive qualities. 
So, today I want to talk about my very early experiences with OKCupid, a free dating site.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I had a pretty awful experience when I tried online dating back in it's Internet infancy. A dude named Garth, who was 44 at the time, (I was 31), told me after we had a lovely dinner/cocktails, that he preferred more "anorexic looking" girls.  (I wasn't overweight at this time, I was pretty average-sized) But he still wanted to be friends because in his words, I was "awesome".  Um, ew. No thanks, old man. (44 doesn't seem old at all anymore!) I still have that email.  I actually dug it up in a long deserted Yahoo Mail account the other day.  I hope Garth found himself a really sickly, skinny, "anorexic-looking" girl.  
So, I don't do much online dating.  The EHarmony quiz scares me so badly that I couldn't get past the 10th question. (am I sensitive? am I nice? do I think I'm nice, but I'm really not? you get the picture) So today I want to chat about online dating site profile pictures.  Yikes, people. Y-I-K-E-S. When I put together my profile, I tried to select a cross section of photos that showed me in real life.  Of course, I believe I picked good photos, or at least photos that represented my personality, but I didn't go all glamour shot and over the top.  I will post the four pictures that I use on OKCupid, just to be totally fair. 
Here I am sporting a work look. Or what
I would probably look like if I went in
to an office. This is a selfie, btw.
Many of the men who write to me on OKCupid have some really amazing photos.  Maybe amazing isn't the exact word I'm looking for here. Let's see, there was the guy who was totally naked, a la the Naked Cowboy in NYC (he was only covered by his guitar), a guy who has about six photos of him flexing is gigantic biceps, the general workout photo, the photo of just his tattoo, the photo of him really far away on a mountain top in ski-gear, a photo just of his boat or Harley, and my all time favorite, the very best: the Selfie taken in the bathroom mirror. There he is, taking a selfie of himself holding up holding up his phone, sometimes blocking his face with said phone, sometimes letting the flash block his face for him. If any single men are reading this----DO NOT DO THIS.  PLEASE, for the love of God, there must be a better photo somewhere. 
I am fascinated.  I mean, at what point do you think to  yourself...yeah, that's a great picture, I'll slap that one up on the site.  Jesus, if you don't care enough to post a decent picture of yourself, do you really care enough to even embark on the journey of online dating?  Listen, looks aren't everything. Absolutely.  I know.  I am certainly not Miss America.  But I do try and put my best foot forward when presenting myself to strangers. I work from home, usually in some form of super attractive yoga pants, t-shirt, ponytail, no makeup combo. As my UPS guy, neighbors or my dog can tell you, it's really not my best look.  So, I choose not to take a selfie of that look.  That reveal will be reserved for sometime after the initial date.  I mean, he'll see that look for sure, it's just not what I want to lead with, you know? 
And here I am when I am a maid of honor
in my friends wedding,
sporting an elaborate up-do
and having lots of fun. 
Personally, decent writing skills and humor are what interest me most in the profiles. Not easily found. Overused emoticons or LOL, BRB, and such are grating to me. (I am practically MIDDLE AGE for God's sake, it makes me feel like I am conversing with a 16 year old) But, if you are wearing something other than a tank top (shudder) or workout clothes, you will get extra points from me. (especially if it's a golf shirt or Oxford). I tend to lean towards the preppier golfing on a weekend or creative outdoorsy look, but I recognize that's just my personal taste. It's not a total deal breaker, but he's not doing himself any favors in getting me to write back when he pops up virtually naked in my email.  One guy had several selfies in the mirror, taken at different times in different outfits.  Just take a selfie of your face. Hold your arm out and press the button.  No mirror necessary.  
What I generally look like, I think. 
I wish I could post some of the photos I've received on the blog. Privacy laws prevent me, but if I'm ever out with you, I'll show you a few gems on my phone. 
And I just feel like everyone should
know what I look like happily day drinking
and sporting a super ugly sweater. And there's
that ponytail. 

So, I get it, I'm a shallow pain in the ass.  I am.  I think that may be why I never go out on any dates. I get a good amount of  messages, converse with people, and then, when the rubber hits the road, nothing.  Won't do it. And for those of you thinking that I think I am above it all and think that I'm perfect, that's far from the truth.  I'm not solely going to judge someone on their photos, but I put some effort in to my profile, and I expect the guy to do that, too.  
Am I asking too much? I know men and women are different, but is it an impossible dream to see some normal, decent photos on dating sites? 
So stay tuned, it's my goal to go out on a date. I mean, I have to go on a date. It's time. I have met plenty of lovely strangers who have turned in to friends or boyfriends, so I can certainly meet an online dater stranger.  We shall see.  Cross your fingers.  

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